Experts call them bad, not good, tying their shoes instead or squeezing a cell phone in the hands of your child so that the child doesn’t get disappointed …
It seems that over time the behavior of parents has changed very significantly compared to previous generations. The current parents want to be closer to their children than their parents are to them. They want to be more involved and connected to their lives. This is actually due to positive emotions such as love and affection. However, this demand for proximity can also lead to a misunderstanding; Perceiving parents’ responsibility for the happiness of their children and perceiving the child’s happiness as a parent’s success.
Trying to protect the child from negative emotions by trying to make him happy should not be the goal of a parent. Research shows that depriving your child of emotional diversity can create an adverse reaction in your child. According to the results of a study on children and families, children who cannot express their feelings comfortably can turn into adolescents with behavioral problems.
Lindsay Barton, a psychotherapist at Guelph-Humber University, says people are often afraid to express that they are angry. When this is done, the child doesn’t know what it means to be angry and how to go through the process. ”Barton gives the following example:“ In the past, it was normal to nudge children when they did something wrong. . This also shows that we absolutely do not tolerate bad feelings. The simplest example is that when we see a crying baby, we ask him to stop immediately … “
Running away from anger and pain is what people have done from the very beginning. But parents also avoid situations where they will be upset, uneasy, and work hard. In addition, they do not want their children to witness these situations. Lara Penman, who has been a kindergarten teacher for many years, states that it is the teachers’ duty to let children experience bad feelings. “It’s important to show parents the link between children’s emotions and development,” he says. “The kids will fight and cry. You have to let them do that. Even if your child is confused while wearing his pants, you should let him do it himself. Because a child who cannot wear his own pants today cannot do anything tomorrow.”
Another important point is that both parties (both the child and the parent) become aware of what they feel. Penman and Barton pointed out that “While having a dispute with your child about something, remember that he learned to control his emotions at that moment. let him understand what he feels. Tell him why he is upsetting you. Let your child know that you are sorry for this discussion and work together to feel better ”.
There is tremendous pressure these days for parents to be ‘good’ parents rather than ‘bad’ parents. For example, parents who shout and shout to the child while outside often feel anxious. Actually, Borton points out, there is no need to feel that way. “Whether you take your child home because he behaves like this or not, this situation will end. Don’t try to prevent things. Let your child experience all emotions and allow him to adopt the following thought: “There is no happiness without sadness.”
Photo: Lisa Holloway