We can ask this question to many people who are thinking of getting married, who do not think at all, who are preparing for marriage, or who are currently married, and we can get a wide variety of answers. However, without asking thousands of people, I can create the following response groups based on my professional and life experiences:
- “It was time now”
- Family pressure
- To be able to live the relationship in all its dimensions
- To make his own life
- To move on to the last stage of the relationship
- To be a family
- To formalize sharing life
Looking at it this way, the most original and free will-based reasons seem to be family and formalizing the relationship. Since other reasons contain elements that contradict free will, I would like to examine them in turn and list the questions / theories that come to my mind.
“It was time”
Marriage is undoubtedly a form of relationship that requires a certain level of maturity and healthy communication skills. But how can a person know that he has reached this maturity and it is time to get married? What is the criterion for this concept of time? Is it really feeling ready and personally convinced of how well he communicates in his relationships, or is it that many of his close acquaintances are involved in or on this road with already married offspring?
The point here is that the necessity of getting married is the opinion of the parents. A woman or a man does not have such a sincere wish / plan, but they are often told to marry or when they will marry. Perhaps, if he has been with his partner for a long time, the expectation of the family is to continue this relationship in a marriage format. Another type of this explicit or implicit pressure can be experienced for married couples to have children. This type of pressure can be troublesome in whatever form, confronting the woman or the man with their family, and even straining family relationships. It is possible to resist the pressure by being strong enough to protect yourself and life in front of the family. Otherwise, the fear of losing the family prevails and the search for a “man / woman to marry” is started by bowing to the pressure. The predominant criteria in this search will again be in line with the preferences and tastes of the parents.
To be able to experience all aspects of the relationship
In traditional societies, couples have to marry in order to experience the sexuality aspect of the relationship. This condition applies mostly to women; otherwise, they have no chance to meet freely and have a full relationship with their partner. Therefore, these women experience their first comprehensive romantic relationships with their spouses, and unfortunately, this first trial often does not live well, so it may not be possible to end properly. Getting married is the only way to get to know the opposite sex, and often they only have one marriage “right”.
To be able to make your own life
For many young people to establish an independent life from their family, in societies where traditional family structure is dominant, leaving home is welcome only when a male or female child will establish their own family. Even if they have the economic power to establish their own life, they cannot do this because of the conservative view of the family. For these people, getting married is the only way to have your own home and order, even if only half. I say half because that life established is not only his own, he has to share it with his wife, sometimes even with his wife’s family. From how the marriage ritual will be to the location and decoration of the house, many family members find the right to express their opinions or even have them accepted. Marrying for this reason risks entering an even more restrictive environment from the family home.
Passing to the last stage of the relationship
Marriage is a type of relationship that has attracted couples for centuries but worries as much … In all romantic relationships that start with love and can continue smoothly, it certainly comes to the fore one day. Almost all of the marriage rituals are designed as if couples are lucky enough to go on a journey of endless happiness in a magical atmosphere. Since the intonation and emphasis is mostly on these few hours, marriage is perceived as the “paradise” of a relationship (the happy life after death). However, if we define marriage as “the couple life within the framework of official marriage”, it should be accepted as a legal structure in the first place. If you want to end this relationship, you have to apply to an official institution called the Family Court. Considered in this way, marriage may be seen as acknowledgment of the ending of the relationship and a comforting guarantee that this ending will take place in court, rather than as a symbol of the eternity of the relationship.
To be a family
If being a family is considered as the first step in the project of having a child, marriage is a preferred legal framework for this. Responsibilities and rights are thus secured, all family members bear the same surname, and families with children are also given various economic advantages in some countries.
Formalize the relationship
Some couples may marry with the desire to legally register their long-lasting relationship and to secure each other economically. After all, “the world is sudden death” and for the sake of a whole shared life in good and bad days, it is a consolation for the lonely partner to continue to have values created together. In fact, this option, like being a family, is a marriage decision made with an original and free will.
All these reasons, “Why get married?” It will constitute the majority of the answers that can be taken to the question. Marriage is an ancient form of relationship; People are constantly reminded directly or indirectly, so it still hasn’t lost its appeal. Let’s say that his desire to marry became apparent based on one of the above reasons. If there is already a candidate, then a competency assessment must be made for the “marriage institution”. However, the competence I mentioned is different from the legal marriage license requirements. In my next article, I will shed light on “Marriage competence”; Bye now…
Article: Exp. Psychologist, Couple Therapist Kıvılcım Yücelen