I know you are not alone in saying that we women want our partners to tell the truth above all else. Trust and transparency are one of the most basic needs of a woman. And even though men know this about us, they still struggle with whether to lie or not. Why do men feel the need to lie, even if relationships suffer less in the end?
If your partner knows that lying is habitual, destructive for you or your relationship, and is not seeking help to change that situation, then they must understand that advice from a therapist or mentor is definitely needed.
This is one of the most hurtful experiences when the man you love lies to you. Since women need and crave trust in a relationship, it only makes sense for a lie to completely obliterate her and her view of her partner. In essence, a simple lie can ruin a good relationship and open the door to insecurity in a marriage.
When most nice guys lie, it’s not because they want to, but because of their need to please you.
When a man lies, it is his choice to lie. And to build trust in a relationship, it’s still the man’s responsibility to take responsibility for his lying.
I recently spoke with a friend of mine who lied to her about an issue that her husband promised to ask for help years ago. Claiming to have overcome this problem, she consistently believed him until seven years later, everything turned out. After hearing the news, I looked at my wife and angrily said, “Why do men lie? Why can’t they tell the truth? Is it worth risking all men’s relationships on a lie?” By experiencing the pain of lying and what he did in my own relationship, I was able to identify with him on a much smaller level. So I asked my husband the hard question. Here’s what he said.
“Heavy-hearted,” he replied.
“I think men lie for three reasons: they’re embarrassed, they don’t want to hurt or disappoint their loved ones, and they generally have a desire to please everyone – the most important person to please is the spouse. They also don’t want everyone to know that what they believe is true about them has failed.” Wow. This simple answer told me a lot about my wife. As there were exceptions, I knew at that moment that when my wife lied to me it was not a bad vendetta against me. It wasn’t because he wanted to hurt me. Because he wanted to protect our relationship and his reputation.
And while this reason doesn’t deserve to lie, it helps us women better understand what they do and why.
After my son lied, I try not to make him feel cheesy or like the worst person in the world. I address his lie and give him appropriate results. But I remind him that he is completely forgiven by us. This type of guidance helps your child understand shame and guilt. Shame leads to better hiding the lie next time.
The same goes for adults. And if we have learned to apologize properly as children, it will be easier.
When we make a mistake, we will reach confession, repentance, and freedom from guilt. However, when we do not fully understand this, we will be ashamed, and perhaps we will not be able to change our goodwill and advance our dishonesty.
Good guys want to protect their wives emotionally and physically. That’s why guys get embarrassed when they mess it up because of something they did and they don’t want you to know what they’re doing. So they are lying.
They lie because they believe in a lie in their minds that it is better not to hurt you than to be honest about the harm they have done to you. However, lying is another source of hurt for the recipient, and they will realize that as the truth comes out, it is better to be honest above all else.
Most men lie all the time for three reasons: shame, protection, and reputation.
If he knows that his actions will hurt you emotionally or affect your trust in him in some way, he will often lie. Because it is never your responsibility when your partner chooses to lie to you, they may allow you to show grace and forgiveness when they are honest about something they did and hurt you. This will help them see that you won’t hate them when they do something wrong and they want to be transparent with you.
Does this make sense?
Let’s say they were honest with you about something they did. Your reaction to this may pave the way for them to be transparent in the future, even if lying is still their choice.
We can dig deeper into why men feel like they’re failing. Most guys hope that when they walk out the door to work, no one realizes how much of a failure they have been. When you understand your partner’s struggles, it can help you understand why they sometimes feel the need to lie.
Again, this is not a justification for lying. It helps you understand that the biggest reason guys lie is because they don’t want to let you down or it helps you know they’re failing.
By understanding your partner’s struggle, you can help him understand that even if he disappoints you, you will still love and admire him. This will help him be transparent knowing that you won’t be making a switch when he decides to be honest with you.
In summary: It helps women understand, forgive, and be gracious to their partner when they lie, when they understand the reason behind it.