We know when we feel it, but we have trouble defining it. Sometimes we want to hug like crazy, sometimes a stranger we meet on the subway causes us to feel a kind of shock wave throughout our body. It’s not easy to define this confusing sexual chemistry issue. However, it is a subject worth considering for a good and lasting relationship.
A professor of sexuality at New York University, Dr. “Sexual chemistry is a very strong but indescribable feeling you feel in your body when you are attracted to someone,” says Zhana Vrangalova. Typically we experience this attraction physically, but it is possible that an intellectual or emotional attraction is also involved. Dr. For example, Vranglova explains that people who are sapiosexual (who are attracted, above all, to sexually and emotionally intelligent people) may feel sexual chemistry with someone they find intelligent. Likewise, a romantic might feel a strong sexual chemistry for someone they want to eat and drink with: “The sexual chemistry felt can be very intense. It’s intoxicating, distracting, and all-consuming.”
Expert psychologist and sex therapist Megan Fleming agrees; it can be “electric,” “hypnotic,” and “irresistible,” he adds.
You can often tell that you have sexual chemistry with someone because of the physical symptoms you experience when you see, feel, think, or smell the person you’re attracted to. Dr. “Symptoms such as butterflies in your tummy, dilated pupils, a faster heartbeat, elevated blood pressure, skin redness and sweating are all general physical responses to feeling sexual chemistry with someone,” says Vranglova.
Unfortunately, there is very little scientific research investigating the causes of sexual chemistry. However, Vranglova suspects a combination of several different things, including:
- Biological factors: Physical appearance, hormone levels, pheromones (chemicals produced and released by all animals, including humans, to stimulate other individuals of the same species.)
- Social factors: How similar someone looks (by cultural beauty standards) to what you were taught
- Development factors: Someone reminds you of a previous pleasurable experience or something familiar or comforting
According to Vranglova, it’s also possible to suddenly feel sexual chemistry with someone; For example, you may develop a strong sexual chemistry with someone you suddenly meet on the road. Someone who is demisexual (i.e., someone who has the potential to be sexually attracted to someone only if they are in a solid emotional relationship) may also not be able to experience sexual chemistry with someone they are emotionally close to for a year or maybe longer.
Other people – even if they don’t identify as demisexual – may not experience sexual chemistry with someone until their relationship has advanced enough. Think about couples who were best friends for 10 years before they started dating. For these couples, sexual chemistry can be a gift built over time.
Sexual chemistry can be one-sided
“It’s certainly possible for a person to feel that they have sexual chemistry with someone and that feeling is unrequited,” says Vranglova. If you’re wondering if someone you find sexually and chemically attractive feels the same way towards you, Fleming suggests looking for clues like constant eye contact, shared laughter, persistent physical touch and verbal flirtations, or we can use the oldest method and just ask!
Is sexual chemistry necessary for a relationship?
The short answer is no! We cannot generalize like this for all relationships. “There are many situations where sex and sexual chemistry are not essential elements in maintaining a successful, stable and loving relationship,” says Vranglova.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when determining whether sexual chemistry is important to you in a relationship:
- What are my priorities in my relationships?
- What role does having or having a partner play in my sex life? How do I feel before, during, and after sexual experiences?
- In an ideal world, how often would I have sex?
- Do I need a certain type of sex with my romantic partner(s)? May I want to explore an open relationship or polygamy?
- What are my favorite ways to explore sexual intimacy?
Fleming notes that while sexual chemistry is a core component in a relationship for some, unless a relationship is strictly sexual, sexual chemistry alone is not enough for a lasting, happy, and supportive relationship: We need it built,” he says.
Gabrielle Kassel. “What It Really Means to Have Sexual Chemistry with Someone”. Şuradan alındı: https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/what-is-sexual-chemistry. (11.05.2021).