One morning last week, when I picked up my phone, I saw a friend’s farewell words. He wrote that he could not afford it anymore, that he could not handle it and decided to go. Of course I called quickly, it cannot be reached; I have reached out to possible people who can know his condition, no one has any information. After being out of reach for about half a day, thankfully we heard the good news: He didn’t! His voice sounded very tired and tired, but at least he still had a voice.
I am not going to tell his story. I don’t know that many details anyway. It is a life I met last year and witnessed its joyful, happy moments, excitement and also the breakdowns. Well, like many of us, maybe it’s in deeper situations, but ultimately it’s about being a human in the modern world of 2021 …
And the concept that has been ringing inside me ever since tribalism… Modern life, broken bonds of solidarity, nuclear families that are getting smaller and more likely to be fenced off, and to a large extent these families are no longer alive; A million examples of a huge life that most of us have endured alone …
The children we have to raise one or two while a village should grow, the obligation to sell things into commodities and earn money in this way – and for many of us this is unconnected with the gifts we bring to life – the small place of solidarity that we miss as a utopian concept in our lives. .
For thousands of years it got used to living in communities, clans and villages; As a species that evolved in this way to satisfy both our social and concrete needs, we created a completely different world in a very short time, and many of us are literally struggling in this strange world.
In a human lifetime; While he has a lot of knowledge to survive, he can build his home, raise his food, educate his children and do all the work that life requires; he referred all or most of his vital needs to people he did not know at all, who were supposedly educated but could not do anything; We have evolved into a type that accesses money by doing a business and meets almost all of its needs by purchasing.
As a species that has acquired so much production, so much prosperity, so much comfort, we share them so unevenly that this imbalance hits everyone. The macro part of the subject is too complex and large that I cannot attempt to address, but at least the gap between the so-called developed, developing and underdeveloped countries, as well as another gap between the classes within these countries, reminding that many of the so-called underdeveloped countries are self-sufficient countries only a short time ago. let me suffice
Again, it is complex and versatile and although it is not possible for me to cover all its dimensions, the part that I think a little more about is individual human stories. I’m talking about your story, my story. Almost all of us, all of us who lost their tribe.
The era of the tribes was over, and instead a strange state of war began, in which atomized individuals struggled with enormous life on their own. Our species began to have a strange dream of “not being dependent on anyone” and considered himself lucky and dishonorable if he could earn his money and meet his needs. Whereas, the foods he ate, furniture, electronic devices and almost everything he used now came from hundreds and sometimes thousands of kilometers away. Sapiens, who thinks that he is not in need just because he earns his own money and can spend it as he wishes, is now in the workforce of those who are working far away – and many of them under very bad conditions -, the natural resources we abuse and consume very quickly, and the system created for the flow of all this exchange – the word. literally – tied at the belly. His neediness is at least as present as before; they were only referred to the decisions they had made by unknown people in an unknown place – for their own subsistence – among the people who lived nearby, knew, knew.
I got into my friend’s situation, dived into big issues. However, I want to come to a much more micro but vital place. Dude, the girl we couldn’t keep so many people was going right in front of our eyes! Just as we have created a “civilization”, you can live in the middle of thousands and millions of people in the big city and feel completely alone. In the apartment, where an average of 40-50 people live, you can stumble in your own small box in your own swamp (you get lost in your corridors) and nobody knows anything. With our advanced modern devices and the internet, you can literally access everyone instantly with our apps, but you can still find yourself on your own. You are in all this ease, comfort, abundance, but something is missing; it doesn’t work, it’s not enough, it doesn’t taste like salt, hmm?
Because we do not have a tribe, because the vast majority of us are in a struggle with the whole life alone, because everyone is after the illusion of self-sufficiency and we have been living with the propaganda of this since we were born. Because almost all of us have moved and are changing so much that we do not have childhood ties with those around us. Because we have emptied the extended family so much in the name of modernity that our relations with our elders are very limited and there are deep gaps between us.
If you see a child inside a person, regardless of their age, it is very difficult for you not to feel compassion for that person. One of the easiest ways to see the child inside someone is really to know their childhood, to witness them. It is more difficult to judge a person whom you know about the difficulties, beauties, and skin changes in life. It is almost impossible not to accept anyone you know, whose stories you have listened to; No matter how much he is opposite to you, no matter how many actions that are opposite to you …
All this comes from “intimacy,” and our tribalism and atomized aspect have deprived us of this. Each of us turned into sheep hanging from his own leg, and we were released into this mess to take care of ourselves. Those who have spiritual and mental difficulties to psychologists, psychiatrists; our elders to caregivers; our children-again- to the caregivers; some foreigners to clean our homes; We have entrusted the foods that enter our stomach and make us who we are to people we will never know.
And interestingly, we consider all these normal. A friend of mine is trying to take his life and I can’t help him. It has been screaming all this time and I haven’t found a solution or can not find a solution to it. I do my best for him, but I cannot (can) fully own his pain, his hardship. I’m trying to get support from an outside place, but I can’t fully agree with it.
How can I be? Although I love him very much and I am really loved by him, he is a new soul that has just entered my life. I do not know the details of his story, we live geographically close, nor do I know exactly how I can support you. Our community ties are so dissolved and the vast majority of us are so unaware of the existence of such a thing, and almost all of us need it so much that I don’t know how to do it or where to start.
The moment I got the message and couldn’t reach him, I thought he was indeed gone. And all this has been running around in me since that day, albeit in a messy way. The inability to protect a life, the inability to hold it, that we will almost lose …
So many people … Thousands, millions, billions without tribes …
Are you also among those we’ve been able to indigenous?