Parents sometimes lie to their children without even realizing it. We unconsciously utter lies to make a difficult situation easier or to avoid hurting their feelings, thinking it will keep our child away from a tantrum. Whatever the reason, parents sometimes lie to their children. However, they don’t have to do this.
There are many better ways to protect your child than to lie. It’s all about being honest. By being honest with your children and yourself, you can help prepare your child for the real world.
For example, when children hear something that is not age appropriate, the usual reaction of parents is to lie and reject what the children heard. But instead you can say that your child is too young to talk about it and that you can talk to him about it when he gets older.
Children should know that there are many things in the world for which they are not yet ready. Knowing that you’re protecting them makes them trust you. Telling them that you will tell them what they need to know when the time comes is more accurate than lying or giving false information.
“Everything will be fine, I promise.”
We don’t always know if a situation will turn out well. This too can be difficult. This may be the worst thing you’ve ever experienced. Therefore, it may not be right to make a promise to your child that everything will be okay.
Instead, you can say the following sentence:
“I’m not sure what will happen. Let’s pray God helps us get through this. Whatever you need, I’ll be here.”
Kids need to know what to do when things go wrong. In these situations, if our reaction is to take things lightly or think hopeful, children don’t know where to place their hopes either. So tell your child to pray when they face difficulties. This is them “Everything will be fine, I promise.” It’s better than giving an empty hope with a sentence.
“You can do anything you put your mind to.”
It’s better to praise your child’s effort rather than performance, and again, better than giving false hopes. Your child may not be successful at everything he puts his mind to, and you need to teach him that failure is okay.
The beauty of failing is that it helps you understand what you need to improve on. This also applies to your child. Failing can also make you realize that what you’re doing isn’t right for you.
“If you work really hard at something, you will most likely succeed. But you may encounter failure and mistakes along the way. That’s how we learn.” Saying this allows you to have a more realistic attitude towards your child and their abilities. You shouldn’t lie, even if it’s to avoid hurting your child’s feelings. Remember that there is always a way to tell the truth with love.
Let’s say your child wants to go to the park and you don’t want to go because you are too tired. Instead of saying “no” to him “Okay, we can go to the park today.” By saying this, you may be avoiding your child causing trouble, but this is not true. It’s okay to say “No” to your kids. In fact, not being able to say “No” to your child can cause some problems.
What happens if you don’t say “No” to your child?:
- He cannot learn that it is okay to say “No” to other people. He cannot understand that it is normal to express his boundaries and ideas.
- Since he is not disappointed, he has bad experiences when he starts to grow up.
- He starts making all the rules.
- When you say ‘yes’ when you should say ‘no’, you’re actually lying, and your kids are starting to think it’s okay to lie to please people.
You can politely say “No” to your child. You can explain why you said “No”. Most kids want to know why you said “No”, and that’s perfectly normal. But you have to make sure that they do it respectfully.
There is a lot of argument among parents about telling kids that Santa or the Tooth Fairy isn’t real. If you don’t want to tell your child that these are not real and he is very enthusiastic about these things, you can tell him how beautiful and important it is to dream.
If your child knows that what he sees while watching a movie is imaginary and not real, you can have him put figures such as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy in this category. Don’t worry, your child won’t be devastated when he finds out that Santa or the Tooth Fairy isn’t real.
The lies we tell our children to protect them from distressing, distressing or difficult situations may not always be to their benefit. This can be seen more clearly in matters that are new and confusing to your child.
For example, let’s say you are watching a documentary with your child and the hunters are out hunting. Your child will ask, “Doesn’t it hurt when rabbits are hunted by the hunter?” When you ask the question, it’s an opportunity to tell him the truth that some things in life are unfair and can be challenging. In moments like these, deep and important conversations with your child can really surprise you.
Translated by: Dilara Koru
Referans: Word From The Bird. The 5 Most Common Lies Parents Tell Their Kids Without Thinking. Şuradan alınmıştır: https://wordfromthebird.blog/the-blog/common-lies-parents-tell-kids/