The ticklish history of rejection and ways to deal with heartache

The ticklish history of rejection and ways to deal with heartache



I’ve left, I’ve been abandoned. I even cried for years after the man who disappeared without any explanation. (Then we got married, that’s another story.) I have also developed many ways to gently walk away/when I realize that someone I had a good time with is starting to like me a little too much. My relationship with love has always been strange, but; whose love life is ‘normal’? Love is not normal, love is weird enough. Not getting your love back was even weirder than love itself.

I’m sure it’s also a form of courtesy to review my personal agenda first when I sit down to write; Well, it would be a shame for me to sit down and write about the benefits of garlic today, since the same story is on my agenda these days. (Although the amorousness is somewhat tied to garlic; if you believe that illness can be caused by mental causes, it is effective against infections that can occur after an outrageous sex experience garlic tampon I suggest you take a look at my article.)

Today, I intend to write about healthy and purely scientific ways to relieve the pain of separation and especially rejection. No, you won’t need to buffer anywhere.

My broken heart, my limp rhythm

I won’t give you a headache with my purely personal and one-person experience, I’ve already eaten a few lifetimes from my friends’ lives recently. However, maybe we will meet at a raki table, and we will mention his name a little more.

Let me tell you this much so that we can cooperate; I fell in love with someone I met at a time when I was very bored, we had a very good time. Then things started to get ridiculous because I was stuck, my hands and feet got mixed up badly. Just as I was about to leave town (for various reasons), my cheese pie declared that he would withhold kisses from me. What was the need, wait, can’t we kiss a little more, anyway, kilometers came between us.

I thought I would forget when I got away from him and said hello to a period that I will never get bored with, but it didn’t happen. I have never dreamed of my cotton grandfather, whom I lost as a child and whom I always miss so much. Even the voices of the frontman, who adorned my adolescence dreams, have not stayed in my ears that much. First we forget the sounds, they say, since I can still hear his voice so clearly when he says something nonsense (“well, grandma, why…”) I have more to forget. He left five hundred thousand million data in my five senses, shamelessly, because the files are always open, the data cannot be deleted, and my heart never allows to close the windows.

In short, as my powers are so weak that I cannot get the efficiency I expect from sorcery, we will have to look for the solution in science. (As we talked about everything in the world, we have also put science and witchcraft on the table with my star pie, let’s save this sad moment on the raki table without getting caught in the character limit.) Here is the recipe of modern witchcraft for broken hearts:

5 delicious ways to deal with rejection heartache

1- Embrace your grief

My mother’s ways of comfort are always cruel. It is not said to someone who suffers from heartache, “Forget it”, but never say “So my daughter didn’t want you that much, she would have called if she wanted to”. Science is more compassionate than my mother; Instead of saying “forget it”, she says “look at the pain in the eye and accept that you are in the process of mourning”. The science of psychology explains grief in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. If you are someone who does not like the linearity of time, you have witnessed these phases slapping you over and over again in your many losses. From the denial phase, where I said, “No, it’s actually a good story,” I said, “Of course, you didn’t eat meat!” such as anger-denial mixed states; “Stop that song In this process, I witnessed one by one the negotiations of “I will never fall in love again” and the right and left attempts of depression. The acceptance phase is a valley of compassion ready to embrace them all. Yes, I was rejected and it really hurt. Congratulations! Now I’m ready to forget it. (Song by John Maus – Just Wait ‘Til Next Year, by the way.)

Accepting that this is a sad experience and that there will be a grieving process, as with any loss, is the first step in coping with the experience. Don’t try to distract yourself and ignore the issue! As the ancient wizard Gandalf said: “I will not tell you not to weep, for not every tear sheds from evil.”

2- Don’t get mad at your brain, it’s doing its best

Even if you’ve never seen an elephant in your life, you know what I mean when I say ‘the elephant sat in my heart’.

Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI), which studies what happens in the brain when we suffer researchers, They found that the brain does not distinguish the pain of separation from intense physical pain. An area of ​​the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) is activated in the same way when we experience physical pain or when we are rejected. You know, when your shinbone breaks, your nervous system thinks you’re going to die in terrible ways (because it knows you can’t escape the pain and the tiger with that leg); same reason why rejection is ‘something like death’.

Don’t be fooled by the fact that Maslow, who neglected to capitalize social attachment on the pyramid of needs, probably never got rejected. We instinctively need social connections to cope with hunger, tigers, and all the quirks of life. Social rejection sends the message to our nervous system that when the tiger comes, I will be alone and die in horrific ways. (In another post I resented Maslow) from here reach out.)

Of course we won’t die, but it’s completely neurobiologically normal for us to feel this way. The advice of neuroscience will get a little nasty at this point, are you ready?

3- Go back to the pitches

(Of course I don’t want to regret naming it and forgetting it, so let’s refer to my spicy strawberry pie as Berthster Brightblade from now on, shall we?)

Almost all my female friends were like, ‘wow, it’s full of Berthster Brightblade girl are you crazy?’ but it seemed as cruel to me as my mother’s consolation. After doing a lot of research and scanning a thousand sources, I saw that my licentious friends were also scientifically right. Aside from the fact that my comet cake is unlike any other, it cannot be a coincidence that after I became aware of this fact, I noticed at least ten people posing exactly like him in Kadıköy. (When will Berthster’s comet cross the Nile again?)

Of course I had my eye on none other than Berthster Brightblade, but someone needs to tell my brain that my social rejection will not result in death. University of Missouri psychology professor Lynne Cooper states that the activity we call ‘revenge sex’ is a completely normal reaction directed by 25% of the unfortunate people who experience separation pain. The researchers agree that going out with a heartache and playing with others is a good move both to boost our self-confidence and to calm our brains that think we’re going to die of loneliness. However, we should not exaggerate; Besides, if the issue is to calm our nervous system, it is quite possible to solve it by going to the tavern with friends. Don’t pass out by tying everything to your honey pie and ‘Long live Brightblade, valiant warrior of the steppes!’ Don’t shout, that’s enough.

4- Sex and racinrole… A little drugs?

a University of Michigan researchrevealed that when we experience physical pain, the opioid system in the brain activates and releases natural drugs/painkillers. In the same study, it was observed that natural drugs triggered by the physical pain we experience when we get burned (or our shinbone is broken) are also released when we experience emotional/romantic pain.

In order not to become addicted to illegal ways and one night stands, it would be the most logical choice to activate our natural drug mechanism. Sleeping well, eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly are of course good for all kinds of calamities, as well as for alleviating the pain of love. Dealing with the things you love, diving into the sea of ​​​​art baskets, sweating in sports instead of shedding heartfelt tears; it not only makes you feel stronger and more alive, but also calms other parts of the brain in fear and anxiety by stimulating the frontal cortex. And when you lose a few more kilos and can’t get enough of epic lovemaking, you rise more easily to the tirades that start with ‘he lost himself, already with him…’, and your messy ego starts to walk as straight as a cocaine man wearing cool sunglasses and red lipstick.

Heartbreak is like an electric shock sometimes, you never want to touch the place where you got hit for a while. However, feel free to embark on new adventures. As another ancient wizard Raistlin said, “You can’t hide from danger. Death floats in the air, glides through the window, arrives with a stranger’s handshake. If we stop living because we fear death, we are already dead.”

5- The heart also bleeds, the brain too

It turns out that just as my heart was fooled by Berthster Brightblade’s lies, my brain was quite prone to be fooled by easy lies. awesome this time our research Coming from the University of Colorado: Researchers who told the heartbroken participants that their emotional pain would end with a ‘amazingly effective nasal spray’ found that a significant majority swallowed this lie and started to feel better. If you are truly determined, everything you believe will be good for you can turn into an elixir that will help you cope with the pain of separation.

Hacking our brains is easier than we think, so if your heart isn’t responding to your efforts, try neuroscience. This is not approved in any academia I will say, but I think it is excellent advice; Lots of people, including random beauties/handsome, old friends, subject-neighbours, can help you relieve your heartache in some way, whether they are. The one who says ‘forget it’, and the one who gets tired of the most fanfare; As long as you think you can solve the problem with a donkey-eyed vice, don’t turn to him. Because, unfortunately and of course, my mother is right; There is only one explanation for our rejection, and that is because he didn’t want us ‘that much’! That won’t change when he sees what ‘really’ you are. He will always know you in your confused state, if you keep looking at the whole world through his eyes, you will not be able to see yourself any other way, come back, that’s not what you are and besides, your brain knows very well what to do.

Of course, you might turn to yourself sometime and review the aspects you need to improve for your own good, but as my caramel dragon said, “not tonight honey!”


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