In a relationship, while one party speaks more, the other party is mostly in a listener position. So, is the listener really listening? Most people think he’s a good listener, contrary to research results.
Deep listeningThe purpose of is to learn, to understand a person or situation, and to enjoy it. Active listening it’s about making a conscious decision to listen to what people are saying. It’s all about focusing on others, their words and messages, without any distractions.
One of the most common reasons people go to therapists is because they want what they are telling to be listened to. Listening and empathy are qualities of good communication professionals, leaders and therapists. Listening skills can be learned, but it’s also true that some people tend to be better listeners.
It is impossible not to dwell on the importance of listening in interpersonal relationships. A study conducted by Faye Doell in 2003 showed that there are two types of listening, these are: listen to understand and is listening to answer. People who listen for understanding are more satisfied with their interpersonal relationships than others. While most people think that they are listening to understand, they are actually listening to answer.
When individuals try to correct other people, they often meet their need to influence others. The same research shows that couples who take co-therapy tend to listen better than others because they learn important clues during the therapy process. In addition, it is stated that generally women tend to rest, men tend to correct or respond.
According to American Psychologist Carl Rogers, active or deep listening is at the core of every healthy relationship. It is also the most effective way to keep the relationship growing and developing. Those who are listened to become more open and democratic in their own way, and generally less defensive. Good listeners avoid making judgments and provide a safer environment for speakers.
By listening carefully when someone is speaking, we are indicating that we actually care about what they say to them. It’s also worth remembering that listening is contagious. When we listen to others, they are more likely to listen to us.
The good news is that we can learn to be good listeners, but listening also takes practice. The more we listen, the more we improve in this regard, and the better our interpersonal relationships become.
Here are some tips to be a better listener:
- Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes
- Try to empathize
- Avoid judging
- Look into his eyes when someone is talking
- Notice the feelings associated with words
- Pay attention to the speaker’s intonation
- Repeat what was said in your own words (empathic projection)
- Let the other party know what you are listening to by nodding your head or using “yes” phrases.
- Occasionally summarize the others’ comments, if given the chance.
Translated from the original English: Dilara Preserve
Source: Psychology Today. Deep Listening in Personal Relationships. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201708/deep-listening-in-personal-relationships