There may be no trace of your old “benign” state of your adolescent son. If he’s behaving aggressively from time to time, putting distance between you and passing your questions with short answers makes you feel helpless. male adolescence It is now necessary to pay attention to some issues.
The first rule is “not to be said”. It is possible to complain about many of your son’s behavior, but your constant complaint about his behavior will create the effect of talking into the void after a while. One day, while talking to his friend, you may hear him say, “My mother is nagging”, “My father is fault with everything.” PubertyIt would be a ‘perfect storm’ for relationships between young men and their parents, but male adolescents are actually more vulnerable than they seem.
Young males are often seen as a scourge for an orderly society and are considered malignant. Still often find it difficult to chat, forgetful, restless, accident-prone your teenage son Beneath its visible face is a great heart that longs to be understood and valued.
Every young person to adolescence and some important biological factors make this struggle very real. Regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl of all teenagers There is a hunger for autonomy and independence, as well as belonging to friends and peers. In addition to these, all young people live in search of an identity during the transition from child to adulthood. All of these go hand in hand with mental, hormonal, physical, psychological and emotional changes. Young boys experience certain strains that can raise their stress levels and make them more prone to emotional lability, especially anger.
Author of “From Boys to Men”, educator Maggie Dent “When I was a high school teacher and guide, I witnessed the illogical explosions of a young boy throwing a table, kicking his backpack, or pushing another student aggressively. While these were completely unacceptable behaviors, there were often deep confusion, fear of failure, shame, and worst of all, intense feelings of vulnerability. Our sons were conditioned early to feel this way. ”
Researches, your parents It shows that boys and girls behaved differently than they were in infancy and that they were more rude towards boys. Also in many Western countries to boys corporal punishment is applied more. Young boys are often spoken harder and told to harden when they are hurt or upset. Indeed, it is still common for boys to mock, yell, mock, and outright shame during their school life. Actually male adolescents There is a physiological explanation for the emotional changes he experiences; Embedded emotions remain stored in our nervous system, and with the growth of the limbic brain responsible for the regulation of emotions and behavior in early adolescence, little things can trigger a spontaneous explosion of big emotions.
Maggie Dent emphasizes an important point in understanding male adolescents: “Many young men I have taught or mentored so far said they were ‘stupid,’ they would do bad things and feel bad being inevitable. “Childhood conditioning is what creates the belief systems and mentalities that deeply affect adolescent boys.”
To make way for new growth stages some changes that occur in the brain during adolescence young people memory capacity and organizational skills can significantly affect. This affliction further increases their frustration. In addition, young males have a high level of energy-creating testosterone fluctuations they live.
Young men tend to gain affirmation and self-worth when they achieve something that is important to them. They are sensitive to failing, losing, or appearing “loser” in front of their friends or others their age. When testosterone is combined with emotional hunger in a body driven by an immature brain, the result often includes bad choices and risky behavior.
Most of the games and jokes that seem rude by boys are attempts to get appreciation by making their friends laugh and to make them feel connected to each other. In this age group, certain behaviors that would be seen as strange and even embarrassing when done in public strengthen friendship bonds as loud and joyful times.
How should a man treat your teenager? How should he not behave?
Telling a young child not to do something that he thinks is fun is often met with resistance. As he seeks autonomy like most young people, he reacts to being told what to do and not to do.
Maggie Dent, mother of four boys, author and educator, “How should a mother treat male adolescents?” He says that the answer to the question applies to both mothers and fathers. Advice for male adolescent parents It continues with the following tips;
1. don’t embarrass them
Remember to treat your son warmly while reminding him of the seemingly inappropriate nature of the choices he makes. The most important thing is that you communicate in a way that does not embarrass them. Remember your son’s behavior that seems strange to you is specific to a developmental stage and is temporary.
2.Let them know they’re not stupid, they’re just thriving
If you are parenting a child who sometimes sees himself as a “fool,” it is important to often remember this lens from which he sees the world. With our adolescent sons; We need to talk about hormonal, neurological and physical changes that will affect their behavior, as well as how they experience life. Knowing that they are not stupid, but only in their developmental period, frees them emotionally. It may be helpful for both male adolescent mothers and fathers and adolescents to remember that things will get easier by the age of their 20s.
3.Use loving expressions
If your son is unresponsive and however frustrating and challenging, don’t stop using loving words when talking to him. Speaking with loving words works well to remind you that you love him no matter what.
4. Nudging them is like shouting into the void.
Author Dent says: “Over the years with my sons, I have learned that teaching and nagging a young boy is like yelling into the void. Learning the secrets of effective male communication by paying attention to relationship building, timing, tone of voice and avoiding direct eye contact are much more effective ways to communicate. “
5. Make your home a safe place for friends
“My home and heart have always been open to friends and lovers. There were tight, loving boundaries, but my sons and friends also knew that our home was a safe place. We no longer live in tribes, but our youth still need to be surrounded by good people and families who care and guide them, acting as ‘lighthouses’. “
6.Tell them the stories of the good guys.
It is very useful to be kneaded with stories of good men who made mistakes and failed overtly, but recovered by taking responsibility and were responsible for their own actions. We need more than parents to raise boys towards a healthy manhood.
7.Love them as they are, not what you think they should be.
Every young man craves to look the way we think he should be, to be truly heard and loved. They are much more vulnerable than we are conditioned to believe. We must love and respect our sons, especially when they are not yet able to love or respect themselves.