I regret not being a mother |  Relationship

I regret not being a mother | Relationship

“I have no business with motherhood.” I was saying. If questions arise in an environment with children, I would introduce myself as a woman who does not want to be a mother. “No need to be a mother. Not every woman has to be a mother. ” I was saying. I felt sorry for my friends who had children. They were dealing with diapers and baby bottles. Their relationship was deteriorating because of the child. When their kids got older, they complained of 2-year-old syndrome. They spent weeks walking around choosing a school. I was tired of seeing them in this state. I had friends with whom I moved away when I had a child. They pretended that there was nothing else in their life. I, too, became very cold from motherhood. “Is there anything like walking around freely?” I was saying. I love improvised plans. Or it is more correct to say I would love it. I feel like I don’t have that energy anymore. As my friends’ children grew up, I started to care for them.

If I had a child now, if I took his hand and walked… If I could teach him something. If I could show you photos of the places I visited. If I told you. If we did something together. If we were out shopping. If I had a child, my life would be very colorful right now. It even makes sense…

I regret. I regret not being a mother. Now it’s almost impossible for me to find a father-to-be. I am 39 years old. After this time, who will I find in the pandemic and who will I love enough to be the father of my child? When I was with my last boyfriend, I was starting to feel that I wanted to be a mother. I couldn’t admit it to him because he knew me from time immemorial. It was almost impossible for me to persuade her to marry and have a child while looking away from the children. I couldn’t really trust him anyway. It’s too late now… I couldn’t be a mother. I am one of the women who could not be a mother anymore. It hurts to continue my life like this.

At this age I say, I wish I was a mother. I regret not having children. I feel empty. My life is full of the same things. I don’t care about the pandemic or anything. I guess I would be willing to go home with my child. I would live such a monotonous life at home… Quarantines could be more fun. Even if it’s full of diapers or craft paper …

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