We all worry about what others think of us. It is human and normal to wonder how we are perceived. While it’s good to be a kind and giving person, there are times when it can become unhealthy in some situations and that means pleasing people. Of course, pleasing people is not bad. However, there is a point where it will tire you out, because only when you know that others are thinking too much about you will you feel satisfied and fulfilled. This feeling will consume you over time.
Usually, the first place where he learns to please people is at home. And it could be called “pleasing mom” or “pleasing dad”.
ParentIf your personality is governed by the expectation that your child will not exclude you, that should be what you are trying to avoid. This means your child can begin to learn “people pleaser” techniques. With popular parenting advice, parents may misunderstand the fine line between discipline and expectation, or “satisfaction.” Click to read the secrets of raising happy children…
If there is a notable parenting technique, it is; love and logic. What parents can avoid when disciplining their children is to point out the fact that what they’re doing is wrong. You should completely avoid directing their discipline to misbehavior and the fact that their actions are wearing you out.
For example; Your child wants some milk from you. You have an important meeting to catch up with. You want it to wait a second while you finish what you’re doing. But your impatient child has decided to take matters into his own hands and pour his own milk. Milk spilled all over and you started to get angry about this situation. The popular response parents usually give to the child in such a situation is: “It will take me 10 minutes to clean up this mess because you didn’t listen to me, and I’m already late for my meeting. This means that your TV viewing time today is reduced by another 10 minutes.”
It looks harmless, right? But we know that they do not listen to you with this sentence you say to your child, maybe even unintentionally, and you want to obey. Actually, that’s not the point. These tactics are the main problem of children who have to try to please people. Here’s how we suggest you handle such a situation…
“You see why I’m asking you to wait for me? You weren’t old enough to have your own milk and it happened because you didn’t listen to me. See what a mess your disobedience and impatience have caused? How do you think we should deal with this?”
Giving them the freedom to find a solution will teach them to do something to right their wrongs and will help them know how to make a right choice after a wrong choice. If they don’t know, guide them to help you clean up, even if they’re too small to clean up. Show them that you’re helping them, even if they don’t listen. Don’t bring it to light that you’re late to the meeting because of him. This is manipulation and can embarrass them, resulting in an effort to “please the mother”.
Every child is different. One may respond well to helping with cleaning, while another may need a slightly firmer hand. It is important that they verbally admit that what they did was wrong. It’s okay to teach your child to apologize to people. But be sure to model it for them as well. Apologize if you did them wrong. Teaching something by modeling is the best way to teach them. Click to read the article on the benefits of studying emotions with your child…
Apart from making you happy, try to help them accept the truth and fix it when they do something wrong. It’s all too easy to point out to our children how disappointed or somehow excluded us they were. But try not to use it as a way to get your child to listen. This will cause them not to want to disappoint you and will cause them to be people pleasers.
If your child apologizes after doing something wrong, always accept and continue to forgive. If they apologize but you don’t, they don’t think their mistake is forgivable and will therefore want to keep apologizing to earn your forgiveness. This can please people because your child will never feel forgivable. They always want the approval of others for who they are.
Every parent does this. We threaten our children to take our word. “If you do this again, you won’t be able to…” Such sentences stipulate that children do things that please us. A better way to handle this is to say it in a positive way. “If you can show me and your brother that you can be kind to me today, I’ll let you watch more TV.”
Teach them to go upstream in a world full of dead fish. This can only be done by promoting independence. Let them make their own choices according to their age. Let them find a solution to their problems. This will also teach them independence in finding solutions to the problems they create. Also, praise them when they act individually and encourage individuality. Don’t try to make your children who you want them to be, guide them to become who they want.
If your child does something nice or asks for your approval, praise him. People who try to please people often seek the approval of others because they don’t feel good enough with their parents. But don’t overdo it and praise every little thing they do so your words don’t become meaningless. As always, parenting is about balance and it’s easier said than done! Your children are only once children. If your child feels second to none after your phone, they will do everything they can to gain the attention they need.
People who please people often say yes to everyone, even if they don’t want to or don’t have the time. Obviously, we don’t want our child to learn these bad habits, so we have to teach them when to say no. Understanding their own limits is also about what you expect from them. If you expect excellent grades and only show praise when those expectations are met, they may think that the only way to please you is to be excellent.
The thought of someone not liking you can be difficult. Those who try to please people only feel satisfied when they know that everyone likes them. Trying to get everyone to love you is exhausting. You can teach your child that not everyone will like them, and that it’s okay when faced with such a situation.
For example; Someone they liked at school doesn’t like them. This may be uncomfortable, but teach them that it’s not their responsibility if that person doesn’t like them.
Most children are at school peer bullyingHe can become an individual trying to please people because he is exposed to violence. Either he will do everything in his power to gain the approval and friendship of others, or he will internalize his experiences and become angry. Because you can’t always know if your child is being bullied—which is something kids aren’t likely to share—you should have conversations with them that bring this to light.
If you find your child is being mistreated, whether you need to move them to a different school or teach them to stand up and fight for themselves. Take care of him and encourage him to share how they are feeling with you. Do everything you can to work out what’s going on so your child doesn’t have to deal with these feelings alone. In addition to having serious effects on their psychology, this can also lead them to be someone who pleases people.
Kaynak: Hillary Gruener. “How to Prevent Your Child From Becoming a People-Pleaser”. Şuradan alındı: https://wordfromthebird.blog/the-blog/how-to-prevent-child-from-becoming-people-pleaser/