Being a parent is one of the most enjoyable, but also the most difficult and demanding professions in the world. We can also call this the art of being a parent. Studies show that children whose parents show anger and react aggressively are more difficult to discipline. This shows us that the aggressive behaviors we reflect in order to discipline our children do not serve their purpose. Expert Psychologist Tuba Yıldırım Üstünel from Emsey Hospital provides suggestions on the subject.
It is observed from time to time that parents who have problems with anger control have anger control problems based on their past or anger that they cannot reflect in their past. The important point is that the person becomes aware of his anger. As soon as the parent realizes that he is angry, he can start by asking himself what he is angry about. Even if we don’t realize it, we can sometimes be angry with things so small and meaningless that even realizing it can be seen as a good step to control ourselves.
Parents should first ask themselves what they are angry about, and then consider what they can do to prevent that behavior from being eliminated or repeated. The important point here is to focus on the behavior, not the child, and to tell him that the behavior is wrong, not the child. You can clearly tell him what the behavior you do not approve of is, but without showing anger. For example, a child who hit his brother “You became a very bad boy for hitting your brother” instead of saying things like “Hitting others is not the right thing to do” you might say.
Although it may seem like the kid in front of you and the whole world are acting to annoy you from time to time, this is actually not the case. The other person is still a child and a little person who tries to explore life, spend his time and follow the path that his impulses show him, rather than making you angry.
It is seen that punishments given with anger make it more difficult for a person to discipline. This also increases the likelihood of the person repeating that behavior. Instead, it would be more helpful to try to get the child to take responsibility for their behavior.
Of course, it will not always be easy for a person to control himself when he is very angry or angry. When this happens, you can take a deep breath and try to change the environment you are in and try to stay away from the situation that makes you angry, after making sure your child and yourself are safe. As soon as you think that you can calm down a bit and control your anger, you can roll up your sleeves to solve the problem. For example, when you feel that you can calm down a little and control your anger for a situation where your child is painting the wall, you may want to set a time and ask your child to help you clean the wall. Your controlled anger, unlike uncontrolled, will give your child the right message and make him feel that the problem is not his own but the wrong behavior he has done.
Some of the child’s behaviors can be ignored and not emphasized, but behaviors that harm one’s self or another person are not behaviors that can be ignored. The child’s behavior should be categorized. While his behaviors that do not harm anyone but can still be described as disturbing can be ignored for the beginning; Behavior that harms others, self or property should not be left unresponsive.
When you categorize behaviors in this way and will be intervened, will not be intervened It will be seen that the uninterrupted behaviors that previously disturbed you do not disturb you as much as they started. As stated at the beginning, being a parent is one of the most demanding jobs in the world, but if people have not given up on this for so many years, it is also one of the most enjoyable jobs in the world.
The points that parents should pay particular attention to are staying away from that situation for a while when they notice their anger, accounting for whether the situation requires intervention or not and act accordingly; If there is an underlying reason for the child’s behavior, it is trying to find and solve it, and if there is no such situation, it is trying to find ways to solve that problem. While doing this, it should not be forgotten that the child should not be criticized directly and should only be directed towards that behavior.