We don’t just take the hospital bag with us when we go to birth. Our feelings, dreams and expectations also come with us. How about thinking a little about what to bring with you on the road to parenthood, as well as what to get for the baby, what to do, what to put in the birth bag?
What mothering style should you adopt? Is there a style of motherhood? How will your partner discover paternity? What will be the things that you agree on as a couple and implement in harmony without each other’s knowledge? Does it worry you to think about it all? Or you haven’t thought of any of them, but not knowing how to sleep, how to change diapers, and thinking about what you will experience when you return to work after maternity leave keep you from the momentary joys of daily life?
Know that you already have the instincts you need to raise your baby. Maybe you weren’t ready, maybe you felt ready, but you are confused because of what happened during pregnancy. Many details that seem to be related to baby care actually belong to basic topics such as the baby’s sleep, feeding, care, bath and health, but because of the hundreds of details mentioned around, baby care becomes a concept that seems difficult to overcome. However, many things that may seem like mistakes in baby care do not actually lead to big results to be afraid of. In today’s world, where there are differences of opinion even among doctors and new results are announced every day, it seems like a great injustice to expectant mothers that they are so confused. There are differences in approach to some issues related to baby care, but every mother finds her own way to live with her baby. In today’s world where access to information is very comfortable, the accuracy of all information sources has also become controversial. Be careful not to be swept away by every piece of information you come across, and keep your focus on your own daily life.
First of all, consider your own psychological state and look for ways to relax and open up space for yourself, and to ask your spouse for support after the birth. Don’t get hung up on your worries. Clarify them and be solution-oriented.
If you are very confused, the best way is to first listen to your own motherly inner voice. This sound may be inaudible due to the effects of external echoes. Different applications, traditional views, family elders, relatives, friends and even different ideas of people we have never met on social media will be around you, it is difficult to prevent this. It may not seem possible to listen to your own inner voice among all the voices. Among the many parenting books to read and the current baby care approaches to follow, trying to find the right one can make you feel desperate. The priority is the fact that you will learn baby care together in your own personal background, experience and family system with your spouse. Blend your current inner voice with all the different information you hear and apply it as you feel comfortable. Observe if it is good for your baby and know that you will know your baby best. The most experienced doctors today prefer approaches that respect the mother’s observations. For example, you may think that swaddling a baby is a traditional practice that is no longer used. However, it can be very useful to apply an up-to-date swaddling approach to calm your hyperactive baby and help him fall asleep, and get your doctor’s opinion on how you can wrap it safely. Be flexible. Find a pediatrician you can trust before the birth and work with him/her. Trust yourself as a mother.
Your relationship with your spouse is not something you give up when you become a parent, when you become the mother of your baby and your spouse becomes the father of your baby. It is necessary to start the journey of parenthood by not forgetting this. Being a parent is a multidimensional thing, and the relationship of being a parent to a child is a lifelong relationship in all circumstances. Communication and mutual respect in this form of relationship are an important foundation that will also be reflected in your child. It is a well-known understanding that the relationship between the parents is the child’s “third parent”. Your relationship deserves just as much attention and care as your baby. After the baby is born, while the baby takes almost all of the mother’s time, the emotional world of the father also changes with the role of the father. When spouses support each other with a sense of cooperation for a common purpose, it is possible to enjoy the postpartum period. The simplest formula for this is to stay in touch and find a common time, albeit a short one, to express needs and expectations. A sharing that will bring your nuclear family to life, despite all the intensity, is hidden at the time.
Prepared: Senem Tahmaz