Hopeless romantic means utopian lover. Hopeless romantics take a utopian and emotional view of love, despite negative past experiences or information to the contrary. After all, love comes first, and even when it’s not, it’s seen as a happy experience. The term ‘hopeless’ here indicates their audacity to approach love with this naivety, even when conflicting circumstances arise.
“Hopeless romantics often fall in love with an ideal, not a real person,” says therapist Shanta Jackson. From day one, they begin to make a kind of emotional investment and have committed to falling in love anyway. The person they love easily occupies the place they have reserved for themselves.
Falling in love easily and always having a positive view of relationships may sound good, after all, it’s more creative than a negative one. However, reality rarely matches the fantasies that hopeless romantics struggle with.
So how do you know if you’re a hopeless romantic?
1- Red lines are not noticeable
Separation Coach Kendra Allen says hopeless romantics ‘fly above dazzling red lines’ because they get too caught up in the concept of love. It’s clear that the person you’re in love with isn’t a good match for you, but you ignore potential problems and red lines that shouldn’t be crossed when you look at them through your rose-colored glasses. Shanta Jackson adds, “You are overly focused on the traits that initially made you fall in love.” This is why the warning signs are skillfully ignored, until you no longer see them until you can no longer look the other way.
2- You fall in love fast and hard
When we develop emotions at the very beginning of relationships, we hold onto an idea rather than the partner himself. After a point, it doesn’t matter who’s on the other side of the equation. When you idealize the other person, it becomes impossible to see them as they are. Not only that, you also develop unrealistic expectations because you are evaluating them not as they are, but according to the image in your mind.
3- Dreams of love and marriage fly in the air
Many people have an idea of how they might want to get married. But if your dreams of marriage and living happily ever after are fixed, you even know what song you’re going to dance to at the wedding, and the ‘partner’ part of this dream changes, you’re a typical hopeless romantic!
4- Things can get toxic easily
Hopeless romantics tend to find themselves in toxic relationships because at first everything is like a dream and when reality emerges, disappointment spreads. Sometimes you do everything in your power to make the other person love you and you become toxic. It’s much easier to fall prey to manipulations when emotions are running high.
5- You find yourself in one-sided relationships
Relationships are not always built with a 50-50 balance of give and take. Sometimes it’s 60-40%, sometimes it’s 70-30%. However, if you are always on the side that takes the weight in this balance of giving and receiving, and you are always the giver, it probably means that the other person does not value this relationship as much as you do.
6- Everything else is unimportant
For hopeless romantics, the only agenda is love and everything else is unimportant. When you start neglecting your friends, interests, and hobbies, dedicating all your energy and effort to chasing an emotional carrot, you lose yourself on the way.
So what to do?
“There’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic, believing in true love, appreciating romance, and wanting a fairytale-like relationship,” says Allen. “The trouble with being a hopeless romantic comes from the lack of awareness of being a romantic. If you are someone who is in love with the person you are close to and you are not aware of it, things can get messy.”
Hopeless romantics are more prone to difficult breakups because they invest too quickly in relationships. Since there are more dreams destroyed, they feel like they are losing a large part of themselves during the separation, and this is sometimes very painful. Sometimes they are too hasty to start a new relationship.
Desperate romantics can disappoint themselves when they realize that the dreamed fairy tale is just a dream. It’s okay to be romantic and have dreams, as long as you move forward with enough awareness. However, it is useful to maintain a realistic understanding of what is going on!
Acamea Deadwiler. “What It Means To Be A Hopeless Romantic + How It Can Affect Your Dating Life”. Şuradan alındı: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/hopeless-romantic. (14.06.2021)