Accompanied by laments |  Life

Accompanied by laments | Life



Wednesday, July 07, 2021

You who read my articles, those who hold mourning and death close to their hearts. Thank you. Especially in these times we are going through, while swimming in a sea of ​​losses like an accelerated course, in the death of our precious ones who once kept our lives alive and pulled us into the future, or in the loss of our jobs, spouses, projects, routines, intimacy needs…Are we heading towards the indefinite horizon or are they?

When we want to place our experiences in an adequate framework, it seems that we have to go far beyond the drawn theories written on this subject. The stages that began with the denial of unwanted reality and then progressed to anger and bargaining helped us name certain emotions, of course, but they actually brought uniformity to the field in a way that those who worked on these theories never intended. The law wore a uniform uniform.

But a good deal of mourning (of mourning us) falls outside of these models. The maps provided by these models are unable to describe the route through which our sorrows took. Theories cannot accompany the deep laments that our hearts sing.

However, when we go back to 12,000 years ago, to the Paleolithic age, the cave drawings and burial processes whisper something beyond all these theories. The grieving process is not something we have to overcome in order to continue living where we left off, but beyond that, it is a tool for us to relate to life from a place we have not experienced before, and perhaps the process of creating meaning from our experiences. The development of some new models that can hear this and try to accompany our mourning in this way creates a state of celebration in me.

“Once you start learning about grief, you don’t find yourself talking about it. You don’t study it. Instead, grief becomes the way you talk, the way you study, the way you see it. Instead of grief being your purpose, it’s your way of moving on when you can’t move on.” Stephen Jenkinson, Die Wise

Is it really? Yes, if we don’t kill the ambassador. So your feelings. The emotions that arise during the grieving process have something to tell us about your broken heart and grieving soul. Can we just stay there until we hear that message? Because the space around your heart wants to share what has been taken away from you in your life and what your heart needs to be safely wrapped up and started beating again. We enter the grieving process with uncertainty, we don’t know anything. We can only listen to the emptiness and loneliness out there. And we can ask that space? If you could talk, what would you tell me?

If these words resonate with you, can we spare a few minutes here? Close your eyes and focus only on your breathing. Fill your lungs with what you’re feeling right now. How about inhaling one or several emotions? Allowing ourselves the luxury of letting go of this feeling every time we exhale, and sitting in it… That breath is let out of you into the room, but then turned into a nourishing place in which you can breathe. We can sit in this, even if it surrounds you.

When you are ready, open your eyes and see your need now. What does that space tell you?

We are not trying to eliminate grief. We’re just trying to hear what your emotional reality is. If you can’t find words to describe it, invite symbols, metaphors, laments, dances, poems or stories into your life to understand & tell what’s going on. In this way, you can find images, gestures, or words in pain to convey it to you. And if you can spend the necessary time here, you can find the way & strength to get out of the monotonous vocabulary offered by most classical theories and move on with what your own vocabulary of suffering tells you.

Grief can make your heart beat again. Sometimes only accompanied by laments.

Note: I am adding a Cretan lament and words that I love very much here.

If the Storm Takes You

I told you don’t go to the beach of your heart

I told you don’t go to the beach of your heart

If the storm takes you, I can’t stand your absence

If the storm takes you, I can’t stand your absence

My heart becomes a sandal for the sake of

Sail to the wind

My heart becomes a sandal for the sake of

Sail to the wind

My tears are like rain

I’m tossed into your absence

My tears are like rain

I’m tossed into your absence


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