Some long-term friendships grow and mature over time, while others become atrophied, causing disappointment for one or both parties. Breaking up with friends can be confusing and painful, but there are some important signs that your friendship is long gone and you can’t ignore.
1- Your friendship is consuming you instead of refreshing you
Some friendships become consuming over time. How does this kind of friendship feel? For example, when you are making plans with your friend, you feel something sink in your stomach. When the two of you are together, all the topics you talk about are either about your friend or focused on areas that you are not interested in. In a destructive relationship, you are expected to support the other person while they are constantly complaining about their job or spouse, that is, you are expected to give them emotional labor. Also, you feel tired after spending time with this friend. You avoid a potential argument, but you also feel fed up and frustrated. You reflect these feelings about your friendship to other people around you. Your friendship takes more from you than it adds to you.
2- You cannot reflect your true personality when you are with your friend.
In an ideal friendship, your friendship grows with you over the years, allowing you to act like the person you are now. But some friendships get stuck in the past, and one or both parties is an old version of themselves. In a friendship like this, you may be asked to joke about things that are no longer funny to you. You continue to be called by nicknames that no longer qualify you, such as “popular boy” or “class cow”. These types of friendships are suffocating and you can’t pretend to be who you really are.
3- One of the parties stops striving for friendship
Sometimes, one party stops trying to maintain the friendship. In friendship relationships like this, you make all the plans and you make these plans come true. You arrange meetups near her home and eat at her favorite restaurants. You are very interested in the big changes in his life, but you may not see the same interest when it comes to your life. You want more effort, but the other party won’t agree to it. In another option, you realize that you are the one who does not strive for friendship. You’re probably not as committed to your friendship as before, and you wait for your friend to make plans to meet up. Letting the relationship continue comes easier than having a difficult conversation about where you both stand.
4- You have nothing in common
The reason for the end of your friendship may also be because you have nothing in common. You were probably the closest friend once, but you focused on different interests, or you turned to different sides in your education life. Now you have trouble conversing fluently. Instead, your arguments become slurred, you go from topic to topic as you talk, or you get stuck in that area where you still have a common interest, albeit a tiny one. You feel tense in every meeting and you realize that there is no connection between you anymore. Whether your friendship is from childhood, college, or adulthood, breaking the bonds once deeply formed is painful. Because these relationships have a past, fun memories and hope for the future. But sometimes, holding on to a relationship that has already ended can be more painful, exhausting, and frustrating than letting the other person go and complaining about their absence.
Translated from the English original: Dilara Koru
Kaynak: Psychology Today. Epstein, Sarah. 4 Telltale Signs That You’ve Outgrown a Friendship. Şuradan alındı: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/202010/4-telltale-signs-youve-outgrown-friendship