Socially intelligent people think and act in a way that is beyond culturally acceptable anytime, anywhere. They communicate with people and make them feel comfortable without sacrificing their identity and what they want to say. This is, of course, the basis of communication; The communication method that our brains are bound to desire and that we develop individually.
They don’t try to get strong emotional responses from the people they chat with: They do not communicate in a way that exaggerates their achievements in order to ignite reactions of admiration or respect, or in a way that magnifies their difficulties in order to gain a sympathy response.
They do not speak with absolute judgment about politics or opinions: To speak firmly about a person or idea is to take a blind approach to the range of perspectives available. This attitude is the definition of old-fashionedness and short-sightedness.
They do not immediately reject criticism, do not give strong emotional responses to the criticism that cause them to be perceived as unapproachable or unchangeable: Socially intelligent people listen to criticism before reacting; Because giving immediate emotional responses without evaluation is just defensive.
They don’t reflect on someone’s thoughts as if they were facts about them: Socially intelligent people say, “He’s a mess.” they do not make such judgments. Instead, “He’s got some behavior that bother me.” they prefer discourses such as.
They never generalize people through their behavior (never use phrases like ‘you always ..’, ‘you never …’ to point out a certain point): Because using language that doesn’t make someone feel threatening is the best way to get the other person to approach your point of view clearly and to create a dialogue that leads to the change you desire.
They speak directly: They speak out the things they want to say without dishonesty. They speak calmly, simply, succinctly, in a thoughtful way. They focus on communication; not just getting reactions from people.
They know how to break their ties in a healthy way: In other words, they know that the world does not revolve around them. They manage to listen without worrying that any explanation made by the other person is negative for them. They try to at least understand the opinions of the other people without breaking away from their point of view and assuming that everything is about them.
They do not try to inform people of their ignorance: When you accuse someone of wrong thinking, you cause them to activate their defense system, making them less likely to consider another point of view. By first validating their stance and then presenting your own ideas, you can enable the other party to hold their own power and create a dialogue with mutual learning instead of defense.
They validate people’s feelings: It is the acceptance of what people feel without trying to use reason to validate their feelings, to change or reject their opinions; that is, to validate who they really are – even if you choose to react differently.
‘They know that their self in the shadows are ‘traits, behaviors and patterns that others exaggerate: One’s hatred of a misinformed politician may reflect a fear of being incomprehensible or under-qualified. Or, a person’s dissatisfaction with a passive friend could be the definition of a tendency to empower others in their life. This link is not always obvious; but when there is a strong emotional response present, it is always there. When you are seriously dissatisfied with something, you simply want to get rid of it.
They don’t argue with people who just want to win, not learn: Socially intelligent people know that not everyone wants to communicate, learn, or improve; so they don’t try to force them.
They listen to hear, not to react: When listening to people who speak, they focus on what is being said, not how they will react.
They do not post anything online that they would be ashamed to show their parents, reveal to a child, or find an employer: Posting something online that you are not confident to stand behind means that you are not being honest with yourself. This behavior indicates that you are acting according to the part of your personality that needs the approval of others.
They do not see themselves as spokesmen for what is right: “You are thinking wrong.” instead, “I think you’re thinking wrong.” they prefer to say.
When trying to refute an idea, they do not fall into ad hominem error: The ad hominem misconception is when one chooses to attack the character of the interlocutor in order to divert attention away from the topic under discussion. For example, someone who ate chocolate three times a day said, “I don’t think children should eat too much chocolate.” a socially intelligent person said, “Are you saying that!” he does not answer. He tries to hear what is being said from the other party’s perspective.
Their primary relationship is with themselves, and they work on this relationship endlessly: The most fundamental thing that socially intelligent people grasp is the fact that their relationship with people is an extension of their relationship with them.